Hiya Pals!
It’s been a minute. I’ve pulled a Taylor Swift of my own and entered a new era. To say I have rewritten the blog to follow my last post a million times is the understatement of the century. Throughout this divorce, I’ve seen ALL the cheesy and cliché quotes. The quotes that say…You only find yourself when you lose something or something about only ever really having yourself…blah blah blah.
As cliche as they are. They’re true.
I have finally stepped into my own, have seen myself for who I am, and am more confident than I have ever been in my entire life. I am learning to love life, make my own decisions, and learn about myself. It’s been an incredible journey. But don’t get me wrong; it hasn’t all been rainbows and sunshine. As much as I love the rays of sun, I am grateful for the days with a shade of grey just as much. They make the good days that much better. They’re just days I can look back on and say that I got through and learned from. Since my last blog post, I have been admitted to graduate school, wrapped up a school year with my client, closed a chapter working at the clinic I was at, continued the healing chapter of my story, and started to embark on a summer of adventures.
I have continued working on my mental health in therapy and maintained my physical health by losing weight and keeping it off. This weight loss has given me a new lease on life. The confidence I have gained from losing weight has spread out throughout other areas of my life. For example, I seldom question myself like I used to. I trust my intuition more. I don’t concern myself with others’ opinions the way I used to.
Sorry, the old Brie can’t come to the phone right now…. Why? OH …. Cause she’s dead. (if you’re a Swiftie, IKYK.)
This new confident Brie is someone I vibe with. She’s still sweet and understanding, but. She’s not a doormat anymore. She doesn’t have a problem calling people out on their shit or saying no. And has zero hesitation in placing a boundary when or where she sees fit.
Forever I have been a people pleaser. I have always placed a higher importance on others’ happiness over my own. I would do whatever I could to make someone happy. No matter the cost, even if it were to me or my happiness. I would hold my true thoughts and feelings in. I feared what others would think or upsetting someone.
In therapy, I have learned that selfishness and self-care/self-advocacy/prioritizing yourself are different. I have learned the difference between these perceptions. Most importantly, I realized that I deserve to be advocated for as much as I support and advocate for others; if I do stick up for myself, it doesn’t make me selfish.
These skills have helped me in all areas of my life, including the: professional, dating, family, and friend parts.
I have many adventures planned this summer. The first one I crossed off was with my high school best friend, Megan. We road-tripped to St. Louis for the weekend to see Luke Combs at Busch Stadium. This was unplanned, but the concert fell on my “dating anniversary” with my ex-husband. Ironically, I surprised him with a trip to St. Louis the year before. That was a trip from hell. This year we would have celebrated eight years together.
How I felt on this day confirmed that I am healed. I am ready to close that chapter of my life and not look back anymore. I wasn’t upset; I wasn’t thinking of him or wishing we were together nothing. When Luke performed When It Rains It Pours, I screamed it at the top of my lungs. All I could think about was how much better St. Louis was this year than last. I felt like I was on top of the world and so free.
One of the cheesy quotes that stuck out to me at the beginning of this debacle was, “Someday you will see that it all wasn’t falling apart; it was actually all falling into place.” I remember thinking, Wow, I can’t wait until that day comes. I never thought I would see that day, but it came.
I am so proud of myself. I want to run up to Brie last year, hug her, and tell her that SHE KNOWS what she deserves. To say to her that YES, it’s hard and scary, but it’s worth it because it gets so much better. That she will be fine, she will be better than fine. I want her to know being alone is much better than constantly feeling alone when you have someone.
This is my new era. The Brie I was a year ago compared to the Brie I am now is a different woman. This is the era where I am truly happy just being me. The era where I’m proud of myself, how far I’ve come, and the work I’ve put into myself. The era where I know and appreciate my worth. This is the era I will be in for the rest of my life.
