We all have had goals in our life that we haven’t “fulfilled” and have justified them by saying things like: “Oh, I was going to do that, but you know how it is. Life just has its twists and turns,” or “Yeah, Uhm, it didn’t happen the way it was supposed to because life happened.” What I too often forget is that YES, life DOES happen. BUT It always turns out beautifully, even if it’s not how we “plan” for it to happen.
I spend five days a week providing therapy to kids on the autism spectrum. A program that shows up in many kids’ interventions is to teach them to think with a flexible mindset.
Individuals with autism tend to have difficulty with changes throughout their day.
Many methods help shape minds to have a more flexible mindset. A personal favorite of mine is using what’s called a visual schedule. This shows my clients how their day will go using visual stimuli. This can look different across different clients. Some kids have a picture board; some will have a list they cross off, etc. They typically will cross off the tasks or times throughout their day, signaling to them they have completed it and showing them what is next. This ensures they know exactly what their day will look like. If there is a change in the day, I talk them through the schedule and the changes before it happens. This helps my client to know what will happen and be more accepting of the schedule change.
Applying the “flexible mindset” principle to my life can be tricky. If I spend a reasonable amount of time planning something & it doesn’t go how I want, I get very frustrated!
That can be an issue…the need to have control.
In situations where having control isn’t an option, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I need to be flexible.
Flexibility looks different in every situation, but if you look at what you can change and innovate new ways to incorporate what you must work with….9 times out of 10, it all works out!
I was listening to my first podcast …. Which was a total coincidence because I don’t remember ever saving it or adding it to my playlist. Any whoooo the podcast is called Be That Bitch. It’s got multiple episodes, but the one that resonated with me was called Be That Bitch Who Takes a Flexible Approach. The woman who does the podcast, Ally Griffeth, talks about having a flexible lifestyle. The heart and soul of this episode in the podcast was about discriminating the differences between plans and goals. We all have plans; honestly, the plans change more often than not. Just because our plans change doesn’t mean our goals have to change. For example, you might have a goal of losing weight. You have a strict exercise and food prep schedule to prepare for this.
So let’s imagine you’re doing great on this plan… but have a terrible day at work, and you have to stay an hour later. This makes you not want to work out or food prep for tomorrow because your schedule is messed up. Then you sit and think… Well, great, all this hard work on my diet for work to mess it up for me. “ 2 Weeks down the drain because you’re making me stay late” Then you decide to screw it; I’m done with this diet, today messed it up, and throw in the towel.
THIS IS A PRIME EXAMPLE of losing sight of the goal because your plans changed.
Ally said it was ludicrous to let one hour of our day ruin the rest of the 23 or let one day of the week ruin the other 6. Think about this statement.
This is the time to use that flexible thinking. Maybe you work out a shorter amount of time tonight or a more extended amount tomorrow. The plans changed, but your goal of losing weight doesn’t have to.
That has stuck with me. You’ll probably read this multiple times in my posts: I am a visual person and have become competitive (SIDE NOTE: I was never competitive. For real, I was all about manners and like, oh, it’s just fun to play. I learned over the years that its okay if we play to win. Over the years, I have adapted the ” play to win” mindset).
Anywhooo because I like to win…. I view scenarios in which I need to be flexible as a scoreboard.
Do I let a situation I cannot control or do anything about win a point? Or… do I use my flexible thinking & make the most of the problem? Does the Situation get the point on the board, or does Brie?
TEAM BRIE FOR THE WIN.
This week there will undoubtedly be situations where plans change. I challenge you to keep that GOAL in mind. I encourage you to use a flexible mindset with problems you have no control over this week. It takes time and is not easy, but you’re only helping yourself in the long run. Using this mindset will free you from the weight you put on your shoulders. Just because PLANS change, it doesn’t mean GOALS have to. Just because one hour or day isn’t the greatest doesn’t mean the rest have to be that way! Take that mindset into this next week, hold it close & use it.
Love you, Friend, until next time
