Well, hello, friends! I apologize for being M.I.A.
I have had many significant changes in my life and a significant adjustment period. I am still in it. As my dad always told me “One day at a time”!
With all the chaos surrounding me right now, the first person I want to lean on is my dad or, as I call him, my “big guy.” Five years ago today, my dad lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. My dad fought bravely, fiercely, and positively. Throughout his treatment, post-surgery, until his last day, my dad kept his head up and put others before himself.
What a legacy to leave behind.
It started with an extensive stomachache that wouldn’t cease. After a couple of weeks, Dad finally went to the doctor. After running multiple tests, he finally got his diagnosis. Dad didn’t waste any time and started treatments and signed up for the Whipple surgery to remove cancer in his pancreas. After this extensive surgery and months of fighting with chemo and radiation…. dad was at a point where he was declining very rapidly. As much as he tried to mask it, It was evident he was exhausted. We knew our time with him was coming to an end.
I remember this conversation like it had just happened. I sat on the couch next to him, held his hands, and looked him in the eyes. I asked him if he was scared to go home. He squeezed my hands and told me that he wasn’t scared. That he was ready. He told me that he was afraid to leave me behind. He wanted to be around for me, my brother, and my mom. With tears in my eyes, I told him that I knew it would be different but that we knew he would always be with us and around us. That he had instilled strength, integrity, and unconditional love in me. I reassured him that I knew he’d be with me even though it would be different. I looked him in the eyes and told him I wanted him to do something for himself and go home to be free of these worldly burdens.
He went home a few days later.
Even though he’s not here physically with me anymore, there are signs of him all around me. I prioritize keeping my promise to him. I always take the time to appreciate the signs he sends me, reassuring me he’s with me.
Cherish loved ones; love them for all they are for as long as possible. As cliché as it is, you never know what tomorrow will bring.
